I got the news that the case against "Bob", a case regarding sexual abuse, got closed due to lack of evidence. Everyone knows that he´s lying, but he still get´s to carry on as if nothing has happened. I filed a complaint, so he might still get convicted, but the chances of that are slim, at best. My lawyer told me that it´s much more likely we´ll win the case against "Billy", a case also regarding sexual abuse, because the Police has got much more evidence to go on. I´ve gone from a size 8 to a size 4 in a very short space of time. This alarms me a bit. I´m going to the doctor tomorrow, better safe than sorry. Under normal circumstances I would be letting my frustration out either at my local pool swimming laps of butterfly, or by beating the crap out of a punching bag, but I´ve somewhat lost my grip on exercise in the midst of all of this. I won´t stop trying though. I´ll keep doing it whenever I´m able, because I know that looking after my physical health makes such a huge difference! Even a small effort matters. It´s not just what it does to my body, but what it does to my mind, and my mind could really use a boost right now...
I just want to be alone, even the thought of romance makes me feel angry now. I´m exaggerating a bit, but I do not need anyone anymore, not like that, because I truly do love myself, and I will take care of myself. I´m not weak, not really. I´ve pressed charges and I´m proud of that. I mean, besides my friends I´m in this all alone, I can't really turn to any family. It´s no wonder this is taking it´s toll on me. I´m so grateful for one of my friends from our theatre group, she´s the only one who makes me feel better these days.
I´m holding on to the fact that I applied for universities this year. I don´t know if I´ll get in or if I´d even be able to go there if I did, because I'm really struggling economically these days, but at least I believe in myself! I have so much to offer, if someone would just let me. I'm really worried about the rent, but right now there´s nothing more I can do about it. I´ve applied for more work and exhausted every resource. So tomorrow I´m going out with my theatre group. Our director got us free tickets to see this show at Torshov. It´s had great reviews so it ought to be fun, and my friend will be there too. If my feelings were reflected on the outside. The entire world would shatter into a million tiny pieces, trees and whole forests would burn in great billowing towers of red fire, roaring and breaking apart.