Currently floating on a pink cloud. See, it really is time for me to embrace myself 100% and I found my niche, just like that. Because it's been here all along. In addition to my perfect, exclusive, custom made collar designed to reflect my personality, and the sexy underwear... I'm also getting these and more lolita anime dresses and other clothes, shoes and accessories to wear not only for photos for you guys, but for real life! To make me happy.
(This is my favourite. I'm getting the burgundy one and the dark blue one. I think it's really cool and I want to wear it when I'm out and about as if it's a completely normal outfit.)
(This navy blue and white dream come true, to be worn with white pearls.)
I'm getting this pink dress which reminds me of one of Chii's dresses in Chobits and so does the dark brown one below...)
(I'm getting this dress in dark brown and not khaki as in the picture, these are all supposed to be in very good quality.)
(I'm getting all of these shoes.)
Finally I'm also getting: White lolita socks. Two underskirts. One pink lolita bikini and one white headband for the brown dress and one purse. A white pearl necklace and a white hat for the dark blue dress will have to wait, but I have some really beautiful white pearl earrings in the meantime.
I already own stuffed animals, a kitten eared hat, girly dresses (that are still within the realm of normal), beaded handbags and a lot of pink. If I'm this girly anyway despite my best efforts, why not drop the final veil and allow myself to just be myself and take that little girl that's partly hidden inside me and liberate her? Remember when I dressed up as Misa Misa? Honestly it just happened. In reality I was trying really hard to embrace the whole fashion thing and in a way I did, because I got all those pieces from brands like Maje or By Malene Birger, but by allowing myself to spend some more money then usual on my outfit like for once I still wound up as an anime character in the end. While shopping in the past I've been searching in vain for bows, frilly shirts, socks and poofy skirts or dresses that don't look tacky. But in the real world people are expected to look so similar to one another and there's no real market for this kind of stuff in regular clothing stores... I decided that it was wrong for me to be so quirky, I tried to set my stuffed unicorn Tjommi more to the side and told myself that I was too old for bows and frills. Those shirts that I got at the beginning of last term? I was never comfortable wearing them.
(It was difficult to choose the coats and jackets, so I went with this one to start with. It's in whool, so it's appropriate both for winter, autumn and early spring. But I really do need a winter coat as well, so I selected one in dark brown.
Funfact: I actually owned a similar coat to the lolita kawaii style before, one in baby pink that I got at Zalando and I wore it to shreds. A rare find, just like my dress from Needle & Thread. It was very "princessy".
I could only find a photo of the back of this jacket in the color khaki, but I'm getting the dark blue one.)
I'm in my twenties, but some day I will die, I want to be happy before I do, truly happy and I'm not like those other influencers. They're all about black, white, beige, shirts, dresspants and other mature pieces. I wrote about how, while I love many aspects of Chanel for example, the original look isn't my style at all. It's so masculine.
But this, this is my style exactly, to a t, just perfection... And if I'd known that these dresses (Lolita) existed for sale in my size in real life and not only in anime or inside my own imagination, I probably would have been wearing them already. Some of them are so beautiful, cool and even sexy in an almost fashion-forward way, so much so that I'll have no problem wearing them while I'm walking down the street on my way to a lecture at uni or something similar. This is fashion to me, because fashion the way Vogue speaks of it, it's supposed to be like art. It's supposed to liberate you, and 90% of the stuff I see in Vogue or on other influencers... More often than not, it doesn't liberate me, it doesn't inspire me, it doesn't do anything for me, and this does. I didn't really know how to be myself with the limited options that surrounded me.
(This is the winter coat, it's in really good quality, I've seen photo's that other customers have taken of it only in the color black and it's not as long as it appears in the photo. You also get the perfect hourglass shape in this.)
(Again, I couldn't find a photo of the back in the right color, but I'm getting the dark brown one to go with my lolita winter shoes, which I've already got! An adorable pair in real leather which my friend gave to me.)
(These are the shoes, they're already in my hallway. They were never intended for this purpose, but it's just another example of how this look goes in with what both friends and I associate with what I'm about in terms of style. Though, this is of course, taking it to the next level.)
Underwear is private, right? So it's an aspect of your own personal style where you might be more open to just "be yourself". Well, I don't know, but it's been like that for me and I don't do black underwear, I mean I've worn it, but it makes me unhappy. No, I do white, lace, frills, baby pink and above all- lavender. When I look at what type of underwear I've been buying through the years I can definitely see a pattern. I can do sexy, it's not that. Actually it's still sexy eventhough it's cute or sweet. Either way, it's not that I can't still look appropriate for my age when I want to or need to. But there's a silver lining. For example I love my most recent dress from Needle & thread which is adult and yet, it suits my personality at the same time. A very rare find within the real world, just as with the pink coat I once owned. I want to feel as beautiful as I did in that dress, in that coat or as I will feel in these lolita dresses, all the time. But I realize that I'm still an adult and that some of these lolita dresses wouldn't go over too well at a job interview for example. However, I'm certain that there are other pieces like that sparkling dress by Needle & Thread that can work as a bridge between "little" and appropriate when needed.
The first thing I bought when I got my first real paycheck was a real, white pearl necklace. I had to sell it at a point in my life when things were really rough, but I'm ready to replace it now because I will be wearing white pearls with some of these dresses. I'm not a cosplay artist, I honestly favor this style. Just like I adore dresses from Downton Abbey or the Victorian era. Only, these are more appropriate for 2021 I think and I mean, if I should come across something else that goes with this style I won't tell myself no anymore. I'll just incorporate it.
(In time I'm getting this coat or a similar one to go with my pink dress. It's also very similar to the pink coat that I once owned, the one I got from Zalando that was very "princessy" only this one is much more detailed. It's also very obvious from some of these details that this is a lolita dress and I like it.)
(By then I'll also be getting another bag or purse, something to go with the more girly outfits. Something like this pink one, or maybe a teddybear backpack.)
(I love the pearl chain!)
However: I'm still an adult. I want nice things and I want to do well in life, so I have to earn them, I have to earn that feeling of wellbeing you get from accepting the challenges that life has to offer. We should embrace whatever makes us happy even if it might put other people's noses out of joint, but while it is possible to endulge in our dreams, life isn't some kind of neverending fairytale, not for anyone. School starts tomorrow and I almost made what I think might have been a mistake. What I mean to say is- I just escaped making that possible mistake.
See, I got through the previous semester and I did a good job. I actually got a B in one of my subjects/ and on my exam and I'm still waiting to recieve my grade for another one (I hope I get an A!), I got a C on the final one which was the most difficult one, anyway my point is- I got through it. Not only that, I handled it well and there's no reason why I shouldn't be able to handle another semester just like it. But it's been a really long (and wonderful) Christmas holiday and... I'm nervous. When I was applying for new subjects a lot of them were already taken and I'll be able to apply for some more subjects that get released tomorrow, but I'd almost decided to take an easy way out.
One of my new subjects is a history subject about England and I'm happy about that one, but the other one wasn't one I would have chosen if there had been other options available at the time. It's another history subject and I'm sure it'll be very interesting, but the requirements recommended go beyond me and it made me second guess myself. The requirements recommended are also interesting however and if astrophysics is unavailable tomorrow (which is the final subject I want to apply for) and I'm unfortunate and there are no other options available either, then I figured I'd only be taking two subjects this semester anyway. Which would have meant that there would have been plenty of time to tackle the challenge. I was considering dropping it though, in favor of astrophysics in stead of in addition to and though I would still have qualified to study psychology this autumn as it is, it wouldn't have felt right. It would have made me feel bad to take the easy way out and drop a subject just because nothing better came along and it looked like a bit of a challenge.
I'm hoping that I can both take astrophysics and exchange the rather challenging subject with a different subject, hence go forth with three subjects as is common. As it happens I discovered another free subject about the classical antiquity era so if astrophysics is unavalable tomorrow I'll stick with my three subjects, the challenging one included. Because just dropping a subject altogether without any replacement, I concede, it is stupid.
It would take a lot to get an F no matter how challenging it might be, but that's not why I concede that it's stupid. It's stupid because saying no to challenges like this makes me feel bad. It would have made me feel dissapointed in myself, lazy and probably slightly bored as I'd ace the other two subjects. It's stupid because, with three subjects there's an even bigger chance that I'll get to be a psychology student come autumn, even if I do qualify already. The competition is tough, so of course I should do my best! Finally, it's stupid because it would affect my economy and even if the difference isn't such a big one, it's probably going to be worth my while anyway. Learning something new.
Even if I did fail, at least I would do it knowing that I tried to do the right thing. You know that feeling, if you don't have to do something- why do it? But it does matter, even when nobody is watching. Choices like these might even be among those that matter the most. We all fail to push ourselves at times. We skip that workout, sholve that chore beneath the carpet or fail yet again to quit smoking (I don't btw, horrible stuff...), but at the end of the day. Without any challenges at all we would probably be very unhappy.
P.S. I realize that this is quite the shopping spree, but I'll take really good care of my new wardrobe and donate some of the things that I don't want to wear anymore to charity, but truth be told, clothes are consumeables. What I mean to say is, we can't get everything vintage and my wardrobe is in need of an update anyway. I hope you understand. I still care about charity, the environment and ethics, but I learned a lot last term and I discovered something called effective altruism. I now believe that there are more effective ways to "save the world" than through secondhand shopping. It's really inspiring actually, effective altruism. If I ever get the chance I'll start up with Utopia designs, a brand built for charity, which is an idea that led me over to effective altruism through voicing my idea to someone I hold dear. But no matter where I wind up I still want to do some good before I go, it's just that my wardrobe is not about to suffer for it. So I hope you'll like my new look once it's all here (could take a while before the order get's here). I promise to show you photos. I've been bad at keeping promises throughout, but I really do promise. Have a good term, or work period or whatever else your're doing!
Ī ko Nina