I am telling you, if you ever feel like you're out on deep water socially, just smile, it's like magic. People respond to it, even without thinking about it, they can't help it and even if you don't feel like smiling, it's much easier than continuing to struggle socially. Even if you feel tired, stressed, worried, upset, you can still force a smile and people will want to be nice to you too. In the end, it won't be a false smile, it will be a real one, because you'll feel a sense of peace and even if you, for some reason, don't feel happy at the end of the day at least it's better to have tried.
I'd prepared myself mentally for today. I knew what I wanted and I had some ideas about how I should go about achieving it, I'd had a good long talk with myself about why I'd been feeling so jammed and I didn't really have to fake much when I finally arrived this morning, but in the beginning my smiles were a bit more forced, like an act. It didn't take long before I wasn't acting at all though. I'll carry on smiling for the rest of my life now, I never knew it could have such an effect. OK, so that's probably not the only thing that matters, but it does help to smile more, so that's something to remember when you're feeling a bit stressed. Maybe even draw a little reminder on your hand? I even made a friend today, we had lunch together at Espresso House and I felt like I made a lot of progress with most of the others too and I don't need everyone's approval, I just want to be a part of the team.
The best part is that I don't worry about what anyone else thinks of me at all, I'm doing my best and now that I'm being friendly I don't feel bad, I've finally let go of a lot of unnecessary baggage, it's something that's happened very gradually, but today I really had a breakthrough. I am Nina and I am fabulous! I feel really energized now at the end of another long day, in stead of lethargic, like I did before and this way, that's how it should be. Now I feel in control, I'm not worried anymore, I know that I can do this. The day tomorrow is going to be challenging for all of us and I'll face it knowing that I'm going to do my best. Now it's time to get some food and mellow out. I have to get up at 04:30 all ready and packed with my swimsuit for a lifeboat and fire drill.